I have spent so long trying to get over what you did.
I can't erase the memories of you. The ones that stained, cut deep. The ones that I lay awake at night wishing I could have amnesia and forget you were a part of my life, forget what you did.
I don't really think it's fair that after all I gave you, and all I dealt with from you, that I'm the one who stays awake in regret. I don't think that I should be the one having to amend what you did. It hurts so much just remembering how much I gave of myself, that after you left I felt like there was nothing left of me to give. Because of you I lost all sense of my identity that I'd worked so hard to find. It makes me angry thinking that you get to walk away while I cry because one word brings me right back to you.
You didn't have the right. I sacrificed all my needs for yours. I hid so much from others, I lied to myself everyday, I was dying inside but I was the one checking to make sure you were okay. I let myself believe for so long that what you were giving me was love. I let you take more and more because I thought that was what was right. If I could make you smile, if I could get the gratification of you being healed, then maybe, just maybe what you were doing wouldn't hurt so bad.
The biggest lie I ever told myself was that you loved me. I was nothing to you. While I broke myself carrying the weight of not only myself, but you. I stayed up trying to keep you sane, I supported you through the battles you were fighting. I just needed a little empathy for not being able to fight strong enough to keep it together. I wish I would've realized then that the greatest battle I'd be fighting was getting away from the memories of you.
But here's my letter to you. You do not get to haunt me any longer. I'm taking my life back from the memories of you and yeah you'll never see this but I'm tired of hiding the resentment I feel from you right now. You don't get to text me and ask me for help anymore, I've tried being the bigger person. I've tried pretending like I can forget what happened to me. What you did to me. But you made sure those memories would never leave me. Here's my letter to you, I have nothing left in my heart for you. I tried to keep you in my life but you pushed me again and again, and again. Even after what you did I kept you, I didn't want let you hurt yourself. Here's my letter, I'm never letting myself be naive like I was with you again. The only thing I learned from you is that sometimes the people you adore are the ones lurking underneath the surface of murky water, just waiting for the opportunity to pounce, to strike you when you have your guard down. I've been afraid to let my guard down because of you but that's over.
You have no more power left over me. I mean no malicious intent with these words. With them I'm cutting the last of you out and stitching myself back together. It's my time to be complete. It's my turn to get to be happy, and to live carefree. No longer will I tremble at the world, afraid that history could repeat itself. Of course I can never life the same as before I met you, but I don't think I want to. Now I won't let people walk all over me. I won't let their trademarks break my skin and ruin me.
Here's my final letter. I'm much stronger than you could ever know. I am the best I have ever been and I'm still broken. But that broken is part of my beauty that you don't get to see. All that you are now is just a small chapter in the extensive book of my life. I'm writing you out now. You no longer get to play the villain, you were just a side character who messed up, and hurt me. That's all.
I have nothing left for you. This is all, and while I still get to work through the issues you gave me, I'm done pretending the tolerate your ignorance.
This is goodbye.
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